Yesterday was Mother's Day and I spent it as only a mother would, in the emergency room of the hospital with my oldest daughter. She's been sick for the last week, unable to keep anything down and starting to dehydrate quickly. I knew she wasn't deathly ill but I also knew she needed fluids in a way that I couldn't provide for her. So, at five o'clock in the morning my husband, my sick daughter and her sister (who couldn't bare to see her big sister so sick and wanted to make sure the hospital treated her right) headed to the Rockyview hospital. It was going to be a long wait so, after a couple of hours, I told my husband to take Kayla and go back home; I would stay with Rachel and call when we were ready to come home. We were there for six hours. Rachel had the flu and they pumped three bags of NaCl into her which made her start to feel a little better.
As I sat in the world's most uncomfortable chair and watched my daughter sleeping on the stretcher, I remembered that it was Mother's Day and I thought about how ironic that was. I realized that these were the times in my life when I didn't want to be a mother. I didn't want to feel the pain of loving someone so much that you hurt when they hurt. I didn't want to feel the heavy burden of worry that all mothers carry when their child is sick. I didn't want to feel helpless in knowing there was nothing I could do to help. Then I started to think about all those times in my childhood when I was sick and heartbroken and lost in a world of cruelty and hatred and hollowness. How could I have ever survived without my mother? Her kind face and loving eyes. Her touch when she stroked my hair or lifted my chin were the only things that helped me through my hard times. She carried my burden for me alot of times and never complained, always smiled and loved me unconditionally. My life would have been so much less if it wasn't for my mom. I felt the same feelings for my mom that I now feel for my kids; I hurt when she hurt, I laughed when she laughed and I cried when she cried.
Rachel woke up and looked at me. I took her hand and stroked back her hair. She never said anything; she just smiled and went back to sleep. Oh, how I love being a mother. To have that magic touch with another human being is the most satisfying feeling in the world.
I made a wish to myself a long time ago that, when I grew up, I wanted to be like my mom. I wanted my children to love me as much as I loved her. If I have done that, I have achieved the greatest success of all.
Happy Mother's Day! (a day late)